Harry Potter and the Pharmaceutical Salesperson
by Telemancer
Summary: Just a fic about James Potter and Lily Evans falling in love, featuring Sirius Black, bad pick-up lines, and awkwardness. Enjoy!


**So, I wrote this in between naps on the note-taking app on my phone. I thought it was a bit weird but Tele really wanted to read it so… We have a random Jily one-shot!**

 _I might do a follow-up on this one! And just to make it clear, this story is for random Harry Potter stuff that we think doesn't deserve its own story. I'm not even sure we'll do more of these, but whatever!_

 **Enjoy! But I still think it's weird!**

 _Mancer, it's really good! I like it and it's funny!_

Pickup Lines - Jily

"Hey! Evans!" James Potter yelled as he ran across the field to where said redhead was sitting, her feet dipped in the Black Lake. His robes were billowing out behind him, Sirius almost getting hit in the face by them as he followed slightly behind James. Lily Evans looked up from her book and waved as two of the four Marauders approached.

"Hello James, Sirius! How are you blokes?" Lily smiled up at them, tucking stray pieces of hair behind her ears, out of the reach of the playful breeze.

"Good. And you, Evans? I would reckon from that brilliant smile of yours and the fact that Hogwarts is getting one of the most beautiful days it ever has that-" Sirius was winking at his female friend, grey eyes full of charm when he got cut off by the slightly shorter, skinnier man beside him.

"Snaps, feel my robes!" James said, holding out his arm that wasn't running a hand through his hair.

"Abrupt turn of the conversation, that's breaking Talking With Lily Evans Rule Number Three. Actually, I just made that up and it means nothing. Anyway, I'm sorry, James, I don't feel comfortable doing that. They're probably going to explode on me, I reckon, considering you two."

"Nothing bad's going to happen, solemnly swear! Just feel my robes!"

Lily reached out a finger at James' request, hesitantly touching his sleeve.

"Was that supposed to do something? Were they supposed to explode and leave you without robes?" Lily peered at the bespectacled man in front of her.

"Oh, you wanted me in only my shirt?"

"No-"

"James!" Sirius protested. "You missed out on your chance!"

"I got this, Sirius, lay off-"

"What are you talking about? Some sort of prank? You still have time to abort the mission, mates!" Lily warned.

"What material are my robes made out of?" James continued on, ignoring the questions and warnings.

"I don't know, James. Do you really need to know? I would guess cotton or something like that. Whatever material robes are usually made of? Is there a point to this?" Lily had, by now, tucked her book under her arm and stood up, still having to look up at the boys but not as much.

"My robes aren't like any other robes! They're made of a special sort of material and-"

"Now you need to brag about how great your robes are? Pathetic, James!" Lily said, a tad frustrated. James continued like he was uninterrupted.

"They're made out of boyfriend material!" The strange boy crowed, his friend shaking his head. Lily dissolved into giggles. After a minute or so, she managed a sentence before getting swallowed up by mirth again.

"James - Potter - your - pickup - lines - are - the - absolute - worst - !"

"See! I told you, Prongs, she wouldn't like them!"

"She's laughing, Padfoot. That's always a good sign!"

"Just because you're so ridiculous!" Lily interjected, finally getting over her laughter.

"Ridiculous isn't the worst thing I could be," James mused. "Step up from arrogant toerag, I reckon. Does that mean you'll go out with me then?"

"JAMES!" The smile had slid from Lily's face, fast as a person scared of heights can off a hippogriff. She was entirely sober now, arms folded angrily. She began scolding him shrilly. "You ruined a perfectly good conversation by asking me out! This moment could've pushed me off the fence, but instead you had to go and ruin it!"

"Pushed you off the fence? What does that mean?" James inquired, a little scared of Lily's sudden change in temperament.

"Well, I was on the fence about liking you and this moment would've led me to the conclusion that you're funny and make me happy, but you started pushing me back to Arrogant Toerag Land! There's a cliff on my left and if I go off it, I'm falling in love with you! Every good moment there is with you, I move a bit closer to that fall but then you come up behind me and start shoving me towards the edge so I dig my heels in and we don't move anywhere!"

"You have a whole picture of this? With trees and a sign for the cliff?" James asked, his hazel eyes twinkling. Lily huffed and turned to Sirius who looked a little surprised.

"Make him stop all the jokes!" the redhead demanded.

"I can't, when he gets like this! There's nothing we can do!" Sirius explained.

"He is such a -"

"I'm right here, you know!" James poked his head in between them, draping his arms over each of their shoulders. Lily shrugged it off.

"Shove off, Potter!"

"Wait, so do you really like me? As in going out with me? You're really on the edge of falling in love?" James was serious now, and Lily was blushing viciously.

"I should just jump in the lake. I cannot believe I just said that!"

"If you want to go swimming, you'll have to take your clothes off. Or wear a swimsuit. Marlene has one of those that looks like underwear... Snaps, do you have one of those?"

"As a matter of fact, I do, Marlene bought me one," Lily said the next part under her breath. "Teenage boys... And yet I'm still considering it." Unfortunately, James leaned in to hear Lily.

"Did you just say you're considering wearing a swimsuit that looks like underwear around me?"

"Curse you, Murphy!" Lily shook her fist at the sky. "Bugger off, James. You made me want to go swimming."

"It's warm enough for the Giant Squid to be -" Sirius began.

"You didn't answer my question! Merlin, Lily Evans almost in love with me!" James almost sang.

"Don't you have more pickup lines to give me, Potter? And does anyone know if the Astronomy Tower has wards around it? I'd like to jump off it, if that's okay."

"But you might die, Snaps!" James gasped.

"That's sort of the point, James. I mean, I did just admit that I want to wear basically underwear with you." Sirius winced and looked at Lily.

"Evans, you have to stop saying things like that!" He turned to his excited best friend. "James, you told me right before we sprinted over here that you have a lot of lines! Tell more, we're dying to hear them!"

"Oh yeah. Hey, Snaps, want to see my trousers?"

"Not really... And why do these all involve clothes?" Lily was very embarrassed by now and jumped on the opportunity to change the subject.

"I thought you might want to see my trousers, considering they're brill."

"Stop bragging about your clothes, James!"

"Here you're supposed to say 'How, James?'" Sirius supplied. Lily sighed but complied.

"How are your trousers brill?"

"They're space trousers!" James Potter said proudly. Lily looked a bit interested at this.

"And what are space trousers?"

"I'm not really sure about the mechanics behind them but they make my bum look out of this world!"

"JAMES BLOODY POTTER! HOW AM I FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU?"

 **So that was our one-shot! I just had an idea and wrote all of it in one go! What did you do to help, Tele?**

 _I encouraged you! With "Wow, that was HILARIOUS!"_

 **Real helpful…**

 _Hey, you weren't sure whether it was good! And besides I might do another chappy of this! You know, another day, another stupid pick up line!_

 **I guess you helped… And that saying is perfect for James!**

 _I know, right?_

 **So we will just update when we have ideas!**

 _And we hope you like the chappy!_


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